For British Eyes Only

I've been afraid for so long now, it's hard to nail down what exactly I'm afraid of. But, the truth is, I'm terrified. And I'm tired. And I'm so, so tired of being afraid. Yesterday it all kind of just came crashing down on me. I can't count the number of times I was on the verge of tears yesterday, the number of times that verge became a reality. Everything that has been building up since the beginning of May, it fell apart. My time at UNL is over. My time (for now) at camp is over. And the worst part is, they're so close. I can almost touch them. And that's just going to be a hard reality for me to face for a while. Somewhere in my chaos-driven head I've connected the friendships that I've formed at those places with the places themselves; but it's more than just a connection - it's like a fusion. And that's just not true. My friendships aren't dependent on those locations. They're dependent on people, dependent on me.

To quote someone special, "I'm tired of being afraid of silly things." This time in my life should not be scary. It should be exhilarating, breath-taking, endlessly beautiful... everything. And this fear that I have... the irrational and beating fear of change... it's silly. And I'm tired of it.

God takes the foolish things about this world to confound the wise.

Please grant me wisdom.