Jagerbombs! Jagerbombs! Jagerbombs!

I'm kind of afraid of a lot of things. A lot.

1. Not being able to see.
2. Bugs.
3. Finding out that this is all a joke.
4. A clean room.
5. Disappointing the people I love.
6. Disappointing myself.
7. Hangnails.
8. Hair in my food.
9. Sleeping in a bed bigger than twin size.
10. Death.
11. Dirty socks.
12. Scary movies.
13. Boys.
14. Always being considered "one of the boys."
15. Forgetting.
16. The dark.
17. Rejection.
18. Not knowing where exits are.
19. Too much pavement.
20. Being misinterpreted.

So, so, so much.

Meteor Showers

My hair smells like intimacy tonight. I'm not comfortable with it. And it feels like a thousand feathers that were misplaced somewhere behind my sweatband. And it's reminding me that everything is just about right.

A friend asked me recently, "Do you ever just have this impending sense of doom? That something bad is going to happen?"

No. Never.

I kind of skate through life on this wild, crazy-person ride that everything is just going to fall into place. And even though I know (from experience, from a million things I could tell you right now without even trying to think) that's not true, I keep skating like my life depends on it. Because my life depends on it. Believing that eventually everything will fall into place makes me help that process along. The idea of doing it alone, without some cosmic aligning aura... well, that's not something I'm quite ready to accept.

And I miss Minnesota. The way it never got quite as warm as I'd want it to. The way long socks had purpose. The way time seemed to run together when I was there. The way it felt like going home. The way thinking back on it makes the tears fall thick and heavy on my sheets... I'm not sure where they're coming from. The way that makes this moment beautiful in its simplicity.

Credo ut intelligam
Intelligo ut credam

I believe so I can understand.
I try to understand so I can believe.

The sky is red with snow...

"How I see poetry, it's built on uncertainty. It lives in pauses and gaps and things unsaid. It lives inside the tears that turn highway lights into hallucinations. You can't ever be sure of it."

"But tonight, a tiny part of me felt an immense connection with a complete stranger. A small, small part of my heart leapt out and fell in love with a girl I had never met; never even seen; knew only in tiny plain-text fragments."

"But thank you. Thank you for writing. And keep writing and living and enjoying life, and stay wonderful and amazing and beautiful.
Because you are."

Thank you HiQKid (Alex)