Dear Uhari,
I'm campsick. Everyone here is really nice, and I've even met some really cool new people. But they all seem much more interesting and outgoing than me. They're all really nice though - a few of us even went and got ice cream tonight. Making new friends is hard work. Classes are going well. I'm learning a whole lot, and even my professor is really nice. He always refers to kids as being "naughty," never bad. We all get a real kick out of him. In fact we're so busy during the day in his class and doing work, that I hardly have a chance to think about camp. But during the down times like before bed, I can't think of anything else. I'm sure I'll miss you less and less as time goes on, but it's pretty hard right now. I hope everything is going well with you. I bet you have a new and excited group of people who can't wait to get started. Well, I hope to see you really soon. Until then, I'll keep in touch.
Love - Sarah
( I tried to write this like I was Morty Stamper, YMCA camper.)
Monday, May 31, 2010
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Karate and Friendship
The sun just finished setting through a warm, pink haze outside of my window, and now campus is twinkling with a thousand fluorescent bulbs just past the interstate.
Every few months I go through a realization and acceptance of the things I feel are lacking in my life. And there aren't that many. I'm kind of incredibly blessed. I just feel like eventually it's got to be my turn to have someone's warmth radiating next to me as I drive over blank highway, one hand on the steering wheel the other tangled in a web of fingers, Johnny Cash permeating the silence. That has to happen eventually, right? I'd take that and maybe just a little more time, to write, to live, to grieve, to love.
The last time I wrote, I didn't know what to say. I still don't have many words; they're hidden somewhere in this transition time I've found myself in. But it's good. I'm just a little unsettled. I need to find my place in my new environment.
Every few months I go through a realization and acceptance of the things I feel are lacking in my life. And there aren't that many. I'm kind of incredibly blessed. I just feel like eventually it's got to be my turn to have someone's warmth radiating next to me as I drive over blank highway, one hand on the steering wheel the other tangled in a web of fingers, Johnny Cash permeating the silence. That has to happen eventually, right? I'd take that and maybe just a little more time, to write, to live, to grieve, to love.
The last time I wrote, I didn't know what to say. I still don't have many words; they're hidden somewhere in this transition time I've found myself in. But it's good. I'm just a little unsettled. I need to find my place in my new environment.
Saturday, May 08, 2010
Last name Ever. First name Greatest.
I'm a powder keg of tears.
Somehow, it's only right that I'm awake at 4:47 a.m. my last night at the university. And everything around me echoes and mirrors the last five years of my life - unpreparedness, chaos, running behind, the weakness of sleep. This year has been so much better than I ever thought it might be, and I'm so sad to be leaving the home I've made here. I barely have the words for it.
I'm not going to sleep tonight. I don't want to. I feel like I have hold on to every fleeting second I have left. And please, please don't mistake my sorrow for disinterest in the future. I'm so excited for everything that's about to happen in my life, but the changes are so drastic that simply leaving everything I've had just doesn't seem fair right now. I don't know what I'm going to do when we all say goodbye tomorrow. Saying goodbye to my friends, who I'll see again fairly soon is the physical manifestation of saying goodbye to this stage in my life. This is the only stage that has really been mine.
I wouldn't change one thing that I've done in college. If I could go back I would do every last thing the exact same way. But I can't help but wonder where I would be now if I would have changed something - if I would have told people how much I truly cared for them, if I would have raised by voice louder in class, if I would have done anything different.
I'm rambling. I don't know. I thought this was going to be much more eloquent. I thought I would share some profound feelings on my college experience, on life. I thought I'd hold it together better than this. I'm going to finish packing.
Somehow, it's only right that I'm awake at 4:47 a.m. my last night at the university. And everything around me echoes and mirrors the last five years of my life - unpreparedness, chaos, running behind, the weakness of sleep. This year has been so much better than I ever thought it might be, and I'm so sad to be leaving the home I've made here. I barely have the words for it.
I'm not going to sleep tonight. I don't want to. I feel like I have hold on to every fleeting second I have left. And please, please don't mistake my sorrow for disinterest in the future. I'm so excited for everything that's about to happen in my life, but the changes are so drastic that simply leaving everything I've had just doesn't seem fair right now. I don't know what I'm going to do when we all say goodbye tomorrow. Saying goodbye to my friends, who I'll see again fairly soon is the physical manifestation of saying goodbye to this stage in my life. This is the only stage that has really been mine.
I wouldn't change one thing that I've done in college. If I could go back I would do every last thing the exact same way. But I can't help but wonder where I would be now if I would have changed something - if I would have told people how much I truly cared for them, if I would have raised by voice louder in class, if I would have done anything different.
I'm rambling. I don't know. I thought this was going to be much more eloquent. I thought I would share some profound feelings on my college experience, on life. I thought I'd hold it together better than this. I'm going to finish packing.
Monday, May 03, 2010
Stop. Collaborate and listen.
It's cool outside, a nice reminder to enjoy spring before it turns to summer.
I'm going to take a midnight walk around campus every night this week, if anyone wants to join me.
I hope it rains every night this week.
I'm about to start cleaning/packing my room... bring on the waterworks.
Last weekend was one of the best I've ever had.
I wasn't expecting this year.
I'm incredibly thankful for this year.
Life has a funny way of never giving you what you think but always giving you what you need.
I don't want to throw anything away.
I have to.
I'm going to take a midnight walk around campus every night this week, if anyone wants to join me.
I hope it rains every night this week.
I'm about to start cleaning/packing my room... bring on the waterworks.
Last weekend was one of the best I've ever had.
I wasn't expecting this year.
I'm incredibly thankful for this year.
Life has a funny way of never giving you what you think but always giving you what you need.
I don't want to throw anything away.
I have to.