Last name Ever. First name Greatest.

I'm a powder keg of tears.

Somehow, it's only right that I'm awake at 4:47 a.m. my last night at the university. And everything around me echoes and mirrors the last five years of my life - unpreparedness, chaos, running behind, the weakness of sleep. This year has been so much better than I ever thought it might be, and I'm so sad to be leaving the home I've made here. I barely have the words for it.

I'm not going to sleep tonight. I don't want to. I feel like I have hold on to every fleeting second I have left. And please, please don't mistake my sorrow for disinterest in the future. I'm so excited for everything that's about to happen in my life, but the changes are so drastic that simply leaving everything I've had just doesn't seem fair right now. I don't know what I'm going to do when we all say goodbye tomorrow. Saying goodbye to my friends, who I'll see again fairly soon is the physical manifestation of saying goodbye to this stage in my life. This is the only stage that has really been mine.

I wouldn't change one thing that I've done in college. If I could go back I would do every last thing the exact same way. But I can't help but wonder where I would be now if I would have changed something - if I would have told people how much I truly cared for them, if I would have raised by voice louder in class, if I would have done anything different.

I'm rambling. I don't know. I thought this was going to be much more eloquent. I thought I would share some profound feelings on my college experience, on life. I thought I'd hold it together better than this. I'm going to finish packing.