I Suffer from Delusions of Grandeur

1005 days ago...
143 weeks ago...
24,120 hours ago...
1,447,200 minutes ago...
83,832,000 seconds ago...

I was sitting around a fire in the middle of a corn field with people I had known for thirteen years. We ate packing peanuts and laughed as someone's crazy brother rampaged through the woods. I remember being unable to imagine life being any different... any better. Throughout the course of the next three months, everything I knew began to grow slowly further away from me, sometimes emotionally, sometimes physically... sometimes both. Several of us held on tight to the fraying yarn between our lives. Some of us rolled up the yarn in our pockets, to save it for later. Some of us set it on fire and watched it burn... Some of us just let go. In one summer I received one of the greatest challenges and greatest gifts of my life.

Since then, I've received many more challenges and infinitely more gifts... my life is charmed. But I've been affected. I've been scarred... I've let my eyes go dry a time or two. I tend to have a fear of rejection and a much more severe fear of abandonment. I tend to wait too long to grab hold and then not know when to let go. Sometimes I crave cheese bars and watermelon. Sometimes I don't go home for months.

But always the good outweighs the bad. I have learned how to be alone. I have learned the health of crying. I have become one wit God. I have found my life's calling. I have learned how to love... everyone, no matter what. And now I wait in patience for God to deliver my new blessing to me.